The Conqueror

I remember only vaguely the day that I fell into septic shock. I remember the struggle the doctors went through to treat me, while the numerous pregnant or new mother nurses stood unwilling to come into my room, because they feared that I had C. Diff. I remember how my mother sat beside tirelessly holding my hand as I fought against the hands of death into the wee hours of the morning.

I remember (a seemingly worthless memory) the woman who drew my blood for tests that night. The woman who, at first in a very foul mood, became kind and gentle after learning that I had an autoimmune disease. She explained, knowing my ear to be an empathetic one, that she had suffered from Lupus for many years and was quite worn out waiting for remission.

I learned a very valuable lesson that day. We who suffer from these diseases, these horrible invisible enemies with their cold dark fingers tearing the life from our very bodies, find a treasure in each other. We find that we can be strong in the face of the seemingly endless pain knowing that we are not alone; knowing that we have people who truly understand.

I will not explain in what form my body attacks itself, because I know that the details are useless, endless pain is endless pain... no matter what place it calls home. I know a woman who has suffered from Lupus for a great while who smiles every day and offers words of encouragement to all those she comes into contact with... and another woman, with Crohn's Disease, who has given birth to ten children, risking so much for the sake of those little ones. Both women suffer, and yet neither would say their pain is worse than the other's pain. Both know how difficult the other's trial is and empathizes with it wholeheartedly.

This blog is for the purpose of sharing my experiences as I follow the path this disease takes me along and to share my insights with others. I am at the front end of this disease and know that I have yet another gauntlet to run and so my insights will grow more insightful as time passes.

There is not a great number who can attest to understanding what this pain is like (thank God), but there still is a fairly large chunk of society who can... and to each of you this blog is dedicated. For we, brothers and sisters in the face of trial, know that to be a conqueror is hard... but, is far from impossible.