Morning

Mornings have become early trials; nightmares and pain bringing me to wide awareness in the cold, dark hours of the morning. The hour I awake ranges from three to four and comes on like an anvil falling on a cartoon character; making me miserable but not quite destroying me. Perhaps it is in my refusal to take pain medication that I find myself in this predicament, perhaps I would have flared up nonetheless and still spent many a restless night... God only knows.

I find that I have many hours to read and write in these hours and I try to take advantage. I write in a journal and read out of books of a spiritual nature. I pray and pace in my small room as I wait through the many hours it takes for the winter sun to rise. I have for so long felt resentment toward God for allowing my life to be so tiresome... but, I have learned a strange lesson.

It is only in the hours of sleeplessness that I cannot have an excuse not to pray and I do so freely. Though I am not fully aware, God is silently filling my mind and soul with His teaching and His love. God has answered my frustration with only more love; presenting me with a great opportunity to do His will.